Broken

“So many broken children living in grown bodies mimicking adult lives,” Ljeoma Umebinyo

I have read this quote numerous times. It's powerful on many different levels, but it resonated with me. Someone else could have read the quote and emotionally walked away- never a thought or two more. The words somehow continued to strike a chord. Broken.

Such a strong word. As humans, we pride ourselves often on being strong and emotionally stable. If we were able to take off the mask that our childhood upbringing informed us of, what society needs and what we trick our mind into believing is real- many of us would be fragments of pain. Broken pieces glued together through the resilience of having to ‘stick it out,’ to form a life, an adult life. Broken. The glued pieces that have been constructed since early development that if taken apart- make the entire structure crumble. It’s like the loose ends are just waiting until there is an opening. That opening can often be a triggering event, the beginning of drug use- it can be anything. When we aren’t whole, as individuals, our souls seek something to keep the cycle of pain at bay. Drugs for the moment make the mind feel less broken. Relationships for the moment make the heart feel less broken. Shopping makes the anxiety feel less broken. Filling the void so the pieces don’t scatter- the broken pieces.

How did we become broken? How did the pieces get scattered and now as adults we use superficial bandages to heal deep wounds that need stitches to mend? So many pieces to the puzzle- so many broken pieces. We could spend our entire lives looking back- diving deep into how the road led to this. Would it help? Would it change the journey? When we are lost on the road- many of us don’t hit reverse and go backwards. We stop, figure out the destination and head there. Picking up the broken pieces can be similar. If we all stopped a moment- took a deep moment. Visualized the destination and kept on- what would that look like? Would you travel if you knew it would continue to bring pain, sadness and fear? Most of us wouldn’t. This is the time to go forward. Acknowledge the brokenness- the experiences that led you to YOU. The strengths you have gain from your life. The person you have become, the amazingly unique you. Now imagine the destination- the intention. Embrace that. Go forward.

From Broken to Brave.

The Gift of Love

When you’re dealing with a loved one who is struggling with chemical dependency issues you often forget about the word love. The late nights, the constant fear, the gut wrenching awareness of human suffering and mainly the horror that death is attached to this disease. This cycle of madness somehow becomes daily living. It becomes life because we accept it. We become willing partners in this tango of insanity. Why do we do it? Why are we so willing to put our lives on hold and allow the walls of anxiety to build? Love. Deep, deep down the root to the madness, to living life on hold, to losing countless nights of sleep is connected to love. Love meaning, we would do anything to help them, to fight this disease even when they do not want to or they don’t have any fight left in them. Love meaning, we learn behaviors that in our inner core we fight because we feel we are ‘saving’ them. These behaviors also become a part of the madness, a part of daily living. Before we know it we are not only fixing problems, paying off debts, co-signing garbage, but we are not being true to our authentic self. The voice of reason attempts to intervene. The little raspy voice that says, “This isn’t right.” This is the voice that is often ignored- but in many ways is the beginning of the road to recovery for anyone addicted to an addict.

The true gift of loving an addict is when you learn to love yourself enough to stop the madness. To stop saying yes to the raging monster of addiction that has pillaged our loved one. Love in recovery becomes about filling our own voids- and knowing how to love one’s self. It is not an overnight process. We do not instantly learn new behaviors- we can relapse into old patterns quickly if we do not practice daily self-acts of recovery such as attending some form of 12-Step recovery or family support, self-care and acknowledging our own needs. But if we can fight hard enough for our loved one’s to become an enabled shell of a former adult- we can also fight for our own recovery.

I encourage you to seek help if you are still in the continued cycle of insanity. I encourage you to find out why you starting dancing the tango- we all have our core reasons. But ultimately when you start the path to healing it also helps the one we love. We start using this magical foreign term called, “No.” No with a solid period at the end. It’s powerful to the addiction and the process of recovery can bloom. We have a choice every day, just like our loved ones- to choose health, happiness and how we devote our time. We can make the conscious effort to seek recovery and to seek support. How will you set your intention for today? Is today the day?